so its only been about three weeks since my last post. i have to say that's an improvement. I realized why this blogging thing is so hard for me. First of all i am a very verbal processor. All of you that know me know how much i love to talk and I enjoy talking about deep things so I normally get my feelings or thoughts out that way and blogging sometimes feels really redundant. I am also not cool with the vulnerability of blogging. I can express something and anyone can see it. I guess I like to choose who gets to be a part of my world at times. But God is pushing and changing me so we will see.
now since i have the disclaimer out of the way. the last couple of weeks have been really good and interesting I am learning a lot about myself (as usual) and the more i learn the smaller i realize that i am. But I had a visitor come to Korea a couple of weeks ago and she is one of my favorite people in the world. Mama K. Becky Kahler and she is seriously one of the most anointed and truly Spirit led people I have ever known and it was great. We did a lot of things and honestly she gave my spirit a big boost about life in Korea and most importantly in Jesus. One of the things she wanted to do was go the biggest church in the world. It has over 80,000 members (yes that is the right amount of zeros), let me say it again the church has 80 thousand members. there were only 18 thousand at the service we went to though. they must have been skipping. I wasn't too amazed by the whole church honestly I actually fell asleep during the message. it was in Korean and translated by the most monotone voice i have ever heard. Fortunately for me there was an English service as well that we went to and it was great. the message told the story of Jesus and his disciples from Luke 5.
The story goes like this. The disciples had been fishing all night and after not catching anything by the morning and Jesus says to Peter, "4. put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch" Which Peter in his greatness replies how I think a lot of us would with, "Master we toiled all night and took nothing!" That speaks so much to where I am at right now and probably where all of us are at if we could be honest. Just being at that place where we have toiled and worked and tried doing everything we can in a certain situation and seem to get nothing out of it.
I know for me that living in Korea has been like putting the net in the water over and over and continually looking into it and feeling like i am not finding anything. After a while it gets pretty discouraging and you feel like "what's the point?" I keep saying to the Lord I am doing the best I can I just feel like I am not getting it. And after feeling like I can't go to work another day, or handle another person staring at me, or handle another day without being with people who love me and want to live life with me. Everything Stops. My alarm goes off, because 7:20 comes every day, and the Lord says to me "Put out into the deep and let your nets down for a catch" Unfortunately for me I spent a lot of time in the beginning months stopping my conversation with the Lord at Peter's response. "Master we toiled all night and took nothing" except mine sounds more whiny more like "Gosh God I do the same thing everyday and nothing really comes out of it" And so I go with that attitude and I get nothing out of the day.
The great thing about this story is that Peter continued and said "But at your word I will let down the nets". As soon as Peter obeyed and let down the nets it says in verse 6 "they enclosed a large number of fish and their nets were breaking." Not only were there fish, there were so many that two boats were filled and the nets weren't able to hold the abundance of what the Lord had for them. So it got me thinking what if I continue and instead of my previous response go, "alright Lord today I am going to love these kids the best I can, today I am gonna smile at the person that bumps me or wave to person that stares at me, Today I am gonna throw my net in deep and trust you will give me abundance" So I have been and life has had a different feel to it. its not easy by any means but there is peace and grace that has been with me the last couple of weeks that I have never experienced (here or back home).
So whatever the situation is, Family, Finances, School, Job, Friendship, or just Life in general believe in the promises that the lord has for you. When he asks you to put your nets in deep again after you have toiled and seen nothing (not if definitely when) you need to continue the conversation. Its only natural to not want to do it but thats when we need to be supernatural and do it anyways. So let the nets down and may God give you abundance where there has been emptiness....